. . . and the livin's . . . life

about a week ago, on the second day of filming in kentucky, i could feel the last of my medication completely leave my system. i was already having kind of a weird day, but i couldn't put my finger on it until out of nowhere it felt like my serotonin level suddenly dropped and it became almost impossible to deal with even the most simple daily tasks. it reminded me of how i felt a couple years ago and quite frankly, scared the shit out of me. i began to question getting off the pills. that moment of weakness is what probably frightened me the most. at the time i didn't want to listen to any advice she had, but i know her strength and faith is what brought me back. the next morning i felt re-balanced. i thought, "this must be what it's like to finally beat a heroin addiction." not kidding, it was like night and day...literally. i've come to accept the fact that i have to deal with the good and bad like everyone else.

i'm really excited about this summer. so many possibilities! my design career is blossoming. i love it. i've definitely got my work cut out for me. but i've always believed being too busy is better than not. keeping my mind occupied is extremely important to me. my brain is dangerous when idle. if i don't continually activate my mind with creative processes, evil thoughts begin to creep in...

peer is blowin up! friedrick is making sales calls at montana hospitals all this week and the better part of next week. he and his dad are apparently really kickin ass in those board rooms. even though i also have a vested interest in his success, i really am happy for him. he needed this trip, not only to nurture his relationship with his father, but also to boost his confidence. i've been giving him a hard time lately. my frustration and animosity toward him has clearly been evident these last few weeks. i wish it i could say it all stemmed from something other than financial expectations...but i can't. i know nothing was ever promised to me. that's just start-up life and i have to suck it up. my problem is that i promised myself much more by this time '08. i know things will eventually pan out for all of our benefit. that's the thing about true patience...there's no set deadline. things will happen when they happen. my duty to myself and my sanity is to abide until the time comes to partake in the fruits of my labor.

the or peer website is really shaping up. my experience in web design is kinna backwards. i learned how to build flash sites before really learning html and css. there's still a lot to learn, but i have a lot of confidence in my self-taught crash course. the most powerful thing i've learned about coding is that most of what you want in a website has already been done, in some form or another. you just have to learn where to find it and mold it to your own specific design and functionality. the internet is my friend...